Motherhood, Meet My Enneagram
When I became a new mom, my reality changed overnight. I went from being a high-achieving professional (used to variety instead of repetitive feedings, strategic thinking instead of endless bottle washing, dynamic environments instead of the same COVID-like four walls) to being recast in a really slow, really confusing Lifetime movie. When Reva was born and those initial weeks, I felt infinite love and joy flood my heart. But by my third month postpartum—the long, unstructured days of caregiving began to wear on me. The stimulation I once thrived on was replaced by monotony. The autonomy I valued disappeared. And my identity felt…porous.
Before I was pregnant, I became certified in the Enneagram (more below). However, this was the season I truly began to apply it to myself—not as a professional framework, but as a lifeline. It helped me understand why certain moments felt so activating, why the loss of control hit so hard, and why I oscillated between deep gratitude, mom guilt, anxiety, and a subtle grief for my former independence. And it did something more: it helped me understand how each mom’s superpower, and saboteur, becomes amplified in this challenging life transition.
What the heck is the Enneagram?
The Enneagram is a psychological personality framework that explains why we think, feel, and react the way we do—not just what we do. It identifies nine core patterns, each shaped by a central motivation and fear, and shows how those patterns intensify under stress or soften when we feel safe. Each type has its unique, default coping strategies during a season marked by exhaustion, identity shift, and constant demand.
As a coach, I often invite clients to reframe the reframe the question so many new moms whisper in their heads: “Am I bad mom?” into something far more compassionate and useful. A question the Enneagram helps answer.
“What is this part of me trying to protect?”
How can knowing my Enneatype help me as a new mom?
I am an Enneagram 3. Enneagram 3s are productivity-oriented, energized by connection, momentum, and a well-executed to-do list. By the time my baby was 8 months, my insistence on forging on as though nothing had changed began to affect my mental health—and eventually led to burnout (a word I resisted for a long time). My desire to fulfill all family obligations, travel for work, maintain a strong partnership, and still be 100% there for my daughter all at once stopped being sustainable.
Although it felt as though my world was dissolving, it was actually the beginning of my second act.
Each Enneatype faces different growth edges in parenthood. An Enneatype 6 may work through anxiety and ultimately trust in her own instincts. An Enneatype 7 may wrestle with how to integrate a child into a life built around novelty and experience. An Enneatype 5 might overanalyze every decision, while an Enneatype 8 stays hyper-attuned to safety and external threats. Enneatypes 4 may miss their unique alone time, while 2s are giving nonstop and neglecting their own needs. 1s may expect perfection from partners and feel more stress relationally than with their baby. This means that your specific experience of motherhood is not random or that something is wrong with you (or you are not a good mom). It runs parallel to the type of psychology - even programming - that has gotten you successfully to this moment. And during the physiological changes, sleep deprivation, and emotional intensity of matrescence, it’s nearly impossible to separate what is “postpartum” from what is deeply patterned personality.
And yet — as time passes and some semblance of routine returns — an opportunity opens. We can begin to examine the why behind recurring stressors, mom guilt, and the quiet grief of identity loss. The Enneagram doesn’t tell you how to be a “good” mom. It helps you understand yourself inside motherhood — so you can respond with intention rather than survival.
If you’re a new or postpartum mom navigating identity, career questions, or a sense that you’ve lost access to yourself, coaching can help you slow this moment down. Becoming a mother does not mean you become a supporting character in your own life. You are still the lead—at home, at work, and within yourself.
New moms: I see you. I’ve been there. Now let’s bring in the right tools to usher in your next act.
